Bad: I completely ruined the podcast while completing the last production step, and had to redo it all from the original files.
Good: The redo went much faster because I've had practice.
Bad: Forget the Pollyanna attitude, I lost a week's worth of work.
Good: I'd originally scheduled two weeks to figure all this out, and I'm at one week plus a day since getting all the pieces I needed.
Bad: I'm weeks behind on the original schedule already.
Good: No one cares.
Bad: No one cares.
Good: I'm almost finished.
Bad: The "almost" is because my microphone doesn't play nice with Audacity.
Good: I think I came up with a solution.
Bad: I'm tired and grumpy and will see if it worked tomorrow.
Good: It can wait until tomorrow.
Bad: I want to throw my computer off the balcony but am afraid of killing someone.
Good: I am apparently not homicidal.
Bad: I really need a laugh.
Good: My stupid Maclean's magazine RSS feed finally kicked in again and I got to read stuff like this while I contemplated the futility of life, or at least computers:
A survey has found that 18 per cent of adults in our country -- in excess of four million individuals -- do not know the name of Canada's prime minister. ...I've told you to read him before, but then he disappeared and was ostracized from my sidebar. But that was from Scott Feschuk's new, improved blog. Don't get too attached.
On the upside, while we may not be book smart, or knowledge smart, or actually-knowing-things smart, it's still entirely possible that we are street smart. Unless you expect us to remember the name of the street, in which case, no, we're not.
(Further proof of our national not-smartness: on the same day the Dominion Institute announced its findings, Coors Light released its first batch of Cold-Certified cans -- which feature "temperature-sensitive thermal chromatic ink technology" that changes the colour of the can when the contents are "ice cold and ready to enjoy." My fellow Canadians, it has come to this: we no longer possess even the rudimentary intelligence required to determine when our beer is cold. Next up: Timbits stamped with the words Cram Into Mouth.)
That led me to his last Maclean's magazine column, which made me nearly explode. Just to be clear: with laughter.
Good news, everyone: at long last a pharmaceutical company has come up with a drug that combines all the health benefits of losing weight with the unforgettable thrill of soiling yourself in public! ...He's not kidding. I mean, he is, but the makers of Alli apparently aren't.
Unlike certain weight-loss drugs, Alli (pronounced "ally," as in: if you want to lose weight and all your friends, Alli is your ally!) does nothing to reduce your desire to eat. Instead, it stops the body from breaking down and absorbing fat -- a remarkable scientific achievement, really, if you take away the whole crapping-your-pants thing. In fact, GlaxoSmithKline claims Alli is able to block about 25 per cent of the fat you eat while simultaneously grossing out 100 per cent of the people sitting next to you on the bus.
But really -- how common can these so-called "treatment effects" be? Well, the actual makers of this actual drug actually advise users to "bring a change of clothes to work," and suggest that it's probably a "smart idea" to wear dark pants.
Ah, nothing like laughing at mass stupidity to make me feel better about my own.